69 Solutions:

How it all started

In the year of the Ox (2009) a few enterprising ex-IITians came together and discussed (in Pune, India) what can now be termed as, the future of the country. Entrepreneurs at 69 Solutions realised that while there was no dearth of companies and organisations that tended to specialize in one field or another. There was an absolute lack of entrepreneurship when it came to giving a comprehensive solution to all the problems the world is facing. And thus an apolitical, asocial, and retrogressive organization called 69 Solutions was born.

Here are the few precious words (read gems) from the very mouth of our founding great great great forefather of the movement (who got beat-up regularly by Professors at IIT Kanpur and sadly died at a very young age due to Carpal Tunnel Syndrome caused by frequent bouts with masturbation):

“Giving up handsome pay packages, comforts of family and support of the friends wasn’t that easy. But then we realised that we never had jobs with handsome pay packages to start with. And the families and friends, were less about comfort and support, but were more about annoyance, and nuisance.”

“With these (above) initial hurdles gone, my inner voice told me – and that too in perfect falsetto -  that I should invest in taking care of the bulge in my pants, instead of investing in the bright future for mankind that will last till eternity. Anyway, too much light is bad for the eyes – just as a side-note – I am not trying to teach anyone anything here.”

“People think we are crazy, but we are your normal-average-fucked-up ex-IITians. People don’t understand out motto, but we won’t give up, for we are filled with hope and we are certain that one day people will stand behind us as custodians and guardians of the legacy that we will leave behind some day.”

What is 69 Solutions all about

69 Solutions is an organisation that provides 69 solutions to every problem in the world. Why 69? Come on! One less or one more, i.e. either 68, or 70, isn’t quite 69. I suppose everyone will agree with that.

69 Solutions is dedicated towards providing 69 solutions to the problems that world is facing, especially India – for we are indebted to our motherland and how can we not be? Countless sacrifices, numerous exorcisms, and immeasurable quantities of loads of cum have brought us Indians, where we are now. We are indebted to those millions of billions of dolts of the past and the indeed the billion dolts of the present, and we must pay back to the yet to be born millions of billions of dolts of India. In the service of nation we give up ourselves – we the 69 Solutions.

What we have done so far

What follows is a list of our work thus far. Do take part in this great endeavor and participate and promote our effort to bring peace and prosperity to the Billion dolts of India.

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1. Sojaa Re! One Billion dolts is a for-profit national campaign launched by 69 Solutions (a for-profit organization), to benumb and desensitize the citizens of India, especially the youth, to stay asleep during the voting on the Election Day. Its mission is to petrify the youth of the nation into inaction. And to wither away the effects of excessive activism shown by pro-democracy forces into oblivion. Unlike some other peevish and elitist campaigns we target all of India (and not just some ELITE BIG cities). ... more ...

2. One Billion dolts is a campaign again by 69 solutions whose slogan is realize a dolt in every dolt. The campaign aims to wake up and unleash the inner dolt (antaratma) that is present in each one of us. The self realization might take years or even centuries – hundreds of thousands of cycles of birth and rebirth. But we at One Billion dolts intend to speed up this process of self realization to a lifetime or may be even to a couple of hours spent on our website. ... more ...

Where we go from here

And the next question comes, as always, where do we go from here? And we say right now Nowhere. But we will keep you posted and this page updated. Keep turning your backs towards us.

With regards,

Slash Blog